For over a year I have been eagerly anticipating Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck's The Tourist. Not only does the film star two elite pop culture icons -- Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie, but the film appears just weird enough to actually work. Well, after 103 minutes I can officially tell you....it doesn't.
To be completely honest I wasn't even going to take the time to write a review for the film; however, after this weeks' unexpected (and unjustifiable) Golden Globe nominations, I decided I better warn viewers before they head out to the theaters and waste their money on this half-assed piece of cinema trash.
Now don't get me wrong, both Depp and Jolie do a fantastic job with the script they were given. But one must take into account that the script is downright terrible; only then will the audience be able to understand just how unentertaining The Tourist truly is.
For starters, I knew the ending some five minutes into the film. Granted I immediately threw the assumption to the side because it seemed too obvious, but I was giving cast and crew a bit too much credit. Fast forward a bit and what do you know, they went with the clear as day finale. Was I upset? You better believe it. Here was a studio release featuring two of the hottest actors in the business, and they created a completely mundane and unexciting film.
Oh, and don't forget the action. While the trailer and premise would have you believe there are shoot outs and cross country chases, all we get is a boat chase through the canals that sees nothing cross the 25 mph barrier. Sound boring? Believe me, it was.
I couldn't wait for the credits to roll, and even when they did I couldn't help but feel cheated. The Tourist was supposed to be a great movie for the holidays; instead all I got was a big bag of coal.
