Relax, people. Paul Thomas Anderson did not direct Pompeii. Paul W.S. Anderson, director of The Three Musketeers and the Resident Evil franchise did! Now, if you didn’t think it was possible for someone to have two middle names—congratulations! Your mind has officially been blown.
Pompeii is Gladiator meets Titanic—sounds awesome, right?—meets 2012 (How about now?). In most movies that want to be epic blockbusters, multiple storylines and characters are overstuffed into an environmental plot against humanity. But finally, we have a movie in Pompeii that trims the fat and tells a more focused story. Unfortunately, this story could have used a few more bells and whistles (within its current form) to put a new spin on this tired genre.
Kit Harington (Game of Thrones fans go nuts here) plays Milo, a young man who’s forced into slavery with the hope of avenging the death of his family. Milo crosses paths with a pretty young maiden (Emily Browning)—and the sexual tension begins! But the story doesn’t take their intimacy where you expect it to—and I applaud the film for allowing their love to be earned (even though it was a little cheesy). Meanwhile, Milo becomes a gladiator (with no 401k or Obamacare) and sparks up a beef with a rival warrior named Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje—Lost fans stand up! It’s Mr. Eko!). And then, there’s Kiefer Sutherland’s character…
Sutherland plays a pompous Roman senator who enjoys barely legal girls. His presence took me out of the movie because there was nothing on screen that presented an opportunity for him to fully disappear into his role. Sure, Sutherland sports an accent, but ultimately, he plays a cartoony villain who doesn’t rival the threats his other character, Jack Bauer, faced on '24'.
With a movie like this, it’s expected to have a capable cast, dull dialogue, and the most notable suspect: special effects. And it even brings you two fresh-faced leads! But that doesn’t equal a fresh-faced film. Like other disaster movies, it touches on the themes of friendship, courage, love, honor, loyalty, and the black power movement (watch Pompeii, and you’ll know what I’m talking about). Despite all the elements it attempts to bring to the table, the movie wants to be a love story. So, why not reduce the gladiator scenes and set up a memorable tale of two hopeful lovers from different worlds in a way that’ll make our hearts melt (Too soon? No pun intended).
Growing up, I remember hearing about the story of Pompeii in school. It was once a vibrant city that got swallowed into volcanic ash—no thanks to you, Mt. Vesuvius. And while Hollywood doesn’t owe us a history lesson, its fictitious plot shouldn’t be so weak to where it turns a tragic situation, where many lives were lost, into a theme park ride that has to be seen with 3D glasses. If this is the hot stuff certain Hollywood studios are eager to whip out, I’m guessing that means 9/11 in 3D should be in theaters before the next Avengers movie.
