On the eve of his execution, Arthur Blake (Dominic Monaghan) sits with an unusual priest and spills the beans on his and Willie Grimes' (Larry Fessenden) grave robbing expeditions. Told almost entirely through a series of flashbacks, the film begins when the two meet, master and apprentice, and travels with them through their maturing quest to live a life of fame and wealth. From dead corpses to zombie style trickery, there is a lot to love about Glenn McQuaid's I Sell the Dead; however, and unfortunately for all those involved, there is also a lot to dislike. In fact, as the film reaches its long awaited finale, I found myself bored and confused with the events that were taking place. This left me with a bitter taste in my mouth as I attempted to swallow the unwarrantable excuse for a film that I had just forced myself to witness.
The characters, and actors who represent them, were nothing short of ridiculous. Willie Grimes, who opens the film with an unfortunate beheading, is easily the most interesting character of the bunch (if I am forced to pick one); while his sidekick, Arthur Blake, picks up the slack (or what slack he can carry) when needed. Neither actor really brings their A-game as I have witnessed them both in more complex and entertaining characters, making me wonder if it is the screen-writing or the performers themselves who made this film so dreadful.
The story, bland and uneventful as it was, had promise. I would even venture to say that I was looking forward to seeing just how it would all unravel on-screen. Regretfully, it took almost thirty minutes for me to become the slightest bit interested in what was occurring, and that interest only lasted for a brief moment as a dead body continued to come alive and drop dead with the removal and re-entering of a blade.
From there, the plot entered another dry spell as I was forced to sit and wait for an 'action' scene to bring the quickly decaying story to life. Sadly, that scene never really came. Instead, I was greeted with a battle on a beach that consisted of four men and two 'dead' bodies. The escape was too easy, the fight sequence too lame, and the ultimate 'twist' of an ending was too predictable and unexciting.
Yes, I fully understand that this film isn't meant to be scary nor cinematically brilliant. An A, B, or even C caliber film was expected and would have been received with wide open arms. However, as darkness filled the screen, and the credits began to roll, I couldn't help but be grateful that the movie only lasted 85 minutes. Sure, an audience cut would have been nice; one that carried a total running time of about 7 minutes, but in the game of cheesy D-rated horror, you can't always be so lucky.
*This title is available exclusively through IFC Video on Demand.
