"The jungle doesn't want us here."
Hearing Jack Black talk about film scores in December is, in a way, perfect. Though The Holiday came out several years after the original Anaconda, there's still an overlap. And while some will question what I'm talking about, those who know, know. And that's all I need to say about that.
An initial commercial success, the Jennifer Lopez-led Anaconda didn't find many admirers when it slithered into theaters in the spring of 1997. It would take over twenty-five years for the film to reach cult status. This achievement enabled an updated, meta-comedy reimagining that, unfortunately, can't right the ship as it struggles to find the right lane.
Jack Black and Paul Rudd star as Doug and Griff, two creatively minded friends who, in the midst of a midlife crisis, head to the Amazon to make a loosely inspired reimagining of their favorite childhood film, Anaconda. But, as one can guess, their project is thrown off course when a monstrously sized snake wreaks havoc on their set, sending them scrambling for survival.
An appropriately classified comedy, the newly minted Anaconda offers a sharp contrast in tone and approach compared to its predecessor. Embracing the franchise's cult status, director Tom Gormican (who co-wrote the feature with frequent collaborator Kevin Etten) refuses to let the film (or its characters) be taken too seriously. Throwing rationale to the wind, he works to put the jokes front and center, relying on his cast to deliver the punch line and keep the audience engaged.
Joining our leading duo on this wild adventure is Claire (Thandiwe Newton), a high school friend who jumps at the opportunity to sidestep dealing with her current marital issues, and Kenny (Steve Zahn), a slightly aloof friend who, now Buffalo sober, is ready to show Doug he can be trusted in a professional environment.
When the four reconnect at Doug's surprise birthday party, they are hit with a wave of nostalgia when Griff pulls out a VHS copy of Quatch, the long-lost horror film they made in high school. The memories help them pull the trigger as they all wish to upgrade their current B/B+ life and live out the pursuits they shared years earlier.
Simple in both nature and execution, Anaconda does work at times. But it's consistently fighting an uphill battle. While the pacing is all over the place, the most significant blight rests in its refusal to pick a lane. Occasionally funny, rarely scary, and hardly interesting, the film attempts to do it all. And while it periodically delivers, it's more often than not a victim of its own identity crisis. Add in the painfully unrealistic story elements and a lack of real danger, and the film, looking very nineties, never feels in on the large-scale joke.
Credit the cast for working within the confines of a subpar script. And the snake, obviously unrealistic by every measure, fits franchise expectations. But even with the talents of our leading four, the comedy, backed by stunning Amazonian views, is painfully juvenile, offering the audience little more than childish conflict and gimmicks.
Perhaps a larger metaphor exists that I've completely overlooked. Or maybe the meta aspect has this film so far removed from the original that my brain can't process it appropriately. But at a time when studios are struggling to connect with a growingly impatient audience, Anaconda simply isn't enough. Is it terrible? Not necessarily. But also, maybe. But regardless, it's lacking enough that a pair of last-minute cameos can't rescue the destined dismay. And that alone makes my inner 90s child scream!
