Secrets can be fun. They can also be painful. For Marvin Gable, Wisconsin's reigning Regional Realtor of the Year, his secret is about to turn deadly.
After a tremendous year that catapulted Ke Huy Quen onto the Oscar stage, the famed actor has returned to the big screen in, put plainly, a colossal misfire. Love Hurts sees Quen star as Marvin Gable, a Milwaukee-based real estate agent who, after years as a dark, vehement assassin, is working to outmaneuver his past and live a life of peace, positivity, and commissions.
Between baking cookies for an upcoming open house and consistently attempting to talk his assistant out of quitting, Marvin appears to have it all together. Sadly, the same can't be said for director Jonathan Eusebio and screenwriters Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard, and Luke Passmore. They not only wasted the talents of a recent Academy Award winner; they withered the skillset of two.
Ariana DeBose stars as Rose, Marvin's former colleague who, unexpectedly, has returned from the dead, hellbent on vengeance and ready to settle the score. Her unplanned appearance has set in motion a series of events, one of which has The Raven, a large, intimidating force with a knack for words, waiting in his office.
Much like its title would suggest, this film hurts. Outside of a few highly choreographed martial arts fight sequences,and some rarely effective quips, Love Hurts struggles to make anything of, well, anything.
Wasted talent stems from nearly every angle as Quan and DeBose limp through a painful script, attempting to liven up bland dialogue and activate a love interest that simply doesn't exist. Their chemistry, forced from the onset, never materializes–we never even get a reason to believe they have ever operated within the same universe.
Compound those miscues with a run of disbarring scenes that never allow the film to get into a groove. Granted, Eusebio is working to create a genre film that combines high-octane gore with witty, sarcastic humor. That attempt is not lost on me. The issue is that the film never reaches that destined apex.
As Marvin and Rose navigate the Milwaukee streets, they find refuge in a current listing that our former hitman believes will sell this week. When a pair of clients show up to make an offer, things spiral out of control as Rose takes off, unrealistically hoping that her new partner will follow.
The events in the house are equally ridiculous and uninteresting as the potential new buyers hide out in a washroom after the home is shot up, debris flying everywhere. Although an HGTV cameo gives the film a quick flare of interest, it is short-lived thanks to a shaky, fully expected turn of events. The fact that the owners, at this precise moment, are still waiting for Marvin's return shows how uncommitted the film is to the lingering plot holes.
In fact, outside of the horrid chemistry between our two leads, the affair suffers from predictability, staleness, and laziness. A terrible attempt to monopolize an already oversaturated national holiday, Love Hurts is unable to right any wrong, giving audiences a horrid third act that, more often than not, feels like an entirely different film from the one they've spent the last hour digesting. And much like the holiday candy that floods store shelves, this one will surely make your tummy churn and give you a forceful sugar crash.
