John Dies at the End
Where do I begin? I guess I'll start with the story.
A new drug has hit the streets. Referred to as “soy sauce”, the pill promises an out-of-body experience as its users travel across time and dimension. Those who come back aren't always in the same state. It appears that an alien invasion is silently gaining force, and the world doesn't even appear to notice. Enter John and David, a pair of college dropouts who now hold the future of mankind in the palm of their hands. Could we ever be more screwed?
Actually, the answer to that last question is yes. If I were forced to watch Don Coscarelli's John Dies at the End again I'd strongly consider any and all other viable option to escape. It isn't that I didn't understand the film or connect to its characters; it just wasn't a good movie—period.
Chase Williamson and Rob Meyes play our leading duo, and while neither do a bad job with their respective roles, they weren't given too much to work with. The story started out as a popular web series that quickly became an internet phenomenon. It should have stayed online.
Paul Giamatti does make an appearance in the film, and is honestly the only reason I wanted to see it—his screen time rivals that of Gwyneth Paltrow in Contagion. Throw in the fact that John doesn't even die in the end and I felt entirely misguided from the onset.
So the joke is obviously on me. And it will be on you if you dare venture out to see this one. Maybe it will grow on me, but for right now, I can't think of any film I'd stay clear of more, and that is really saying something.